PROLOGUE:
Coding is fucking meaningless. it’s literally just typing on the computer. programming is the art; the singing, the dancing, the thoughtful heart & soul, the proof, the orchestration layer, design, poetry, the sex of abtraction, and the writing — leslie lamport (inspired).
programming—is absolutely romantic. coding is some tedious laptop hell. oh, go do this do that… fetch my coffee you incompetent slave monkey. but “programming” is the love letter of engineering.
programming is absolutely gorgeous when fully understood and appreciated. and if you disagree—suppose then must’ve never loved before.
Neuroplasticity—The Study of Rewiring your brain. Think Ramanujan with the hindu temples, lucid-dreaming, mental-palacing, hyper-attention, maximizing bandwidth, etc.
In the following blog, I cover some simple ideas to even “merely-understanding” neuroplasticity, along with some experiments.
The motivation being last year having a paid-“phd-psycho-therapist” claim: “you have poor working memory” after in-house experiments.
I emotionally expressed to her how much I hated my current brain( )—and I wanted to replace it w/ a more wrinkly-brain, like einstein’s + nested-disgustingly-wired-neurons( So I can query things faster + sharper)—>She told me your suggested improvements to human “ram” is plausible—>but you will have to work incredibly hard to achieve it …
The following were some experiments I ran on myself to see if I could prove her wrong—and unlocking new neural pathways permanently.
The last time I was capable of lucid dreaming was very little. I am still struggling to lucid dream ever again—
[ I am still quite sad my ability to lucid has decreased since I was in grade3. ]
I will continue to perform lab-rat like experiments with myself to see what changes. Coming Soon.
From F -> A..
MOTIVATION:
the following personal notes I wrote to myself on my phone in discussing many of the philosophical and neurotypical experiments I “bro-science” conducted on myself to try and increase neuroplasticity and cognitive short/long-term workload.
I had a paid-psychotherapist oct2025 conduct experiments/brain-games on me and tried to conclude my aptitude was fine/above American standard, but my working memory was almost ½ standard deviation below where it should be—which is appalling or it’s wrong.
I talked to said no_name phd psychologist about her claims, and I was like isn’t that embarssing? you’re telling me my RAM is worse than the average American? hello doctor?…girl — the Average American hasn’t outputted an original thought since the 2008 subprime loan crisis. On average we are just hearsay in—>white sheep—>copy what other people do/influeced—>hallcinuation out creatures, that fall victim to the easiest logical fallacies since 470BCE Greece… I told my doctor…She like yes I hear your feedback child, but working memory is not thinking itself.
I also told my doctor—>These tests your entire field produces are so bullshit—, and the field you study in is nonsense…Every non-bright kid I knew in elementary school scored 115+ on the grade3 gifted test—half of them were just pure adhd bouncy balls and autism maxxers.
She sighs, and just says: look i’m just trying to do my job here, providing some diagnosis you paid me for ….
Whatever her opinion was on RAM I hope isn’t true—so this term I conducted various brain-experiments on myself to see if I could prove that claim wrong.
I had previously convinced myself this improvement was not possible for me(brain frying too quickly + placing an upper bound on self)—->but that appears to be just a verbal/psychological limitation I had previously assumed, and a mere habitual problem—
Sometimes I nearly think I don’t have enough “neural-pathways” to solve some hard problems, or recall entire end-to-end architecture + deep-dive + tradeoffs + reasoning off the dome—But ideally through my own “fake-science” experiments, I can prove that argument is evidently false—overclock my own CPU anyways, and break past these smooth-edged-brain constraints.
Notes on: Weaponizing Autism/Flow-State, Education, Software, etc
In the future we may also try shrooms or peptides like we’re a bunch of monkey lab rats to see it will improve hyper-autism-maxxing.
The brief conclusions of my own findings, is its def possible to improve your own RAM, but it’s going to be painful. The RAM suggested improvements require huge amount of active-recall queries, (non-stop), along with visual/“mental palace” mapping. Other methods may include sleep-induced knowledge graph formations, lucid-dreaming(hard), etc. idk. psychology is a bunch of inconsistent nonsense—you can try all you want to match reinforcement learning or foundational models to human brains, but the truth is, neuroscience is a whole lotta “what even the hell”….the human brain is capable of so much more than other animals, and we may never know what the brain is capable of until we push it to its absolute fucking breaking point—
To me at least, this discussion— is very similiar to how hypertrophy works. You need to actually be close to “failure” to make any meaningful results, because your body is telling yourself… “oh fuck you’re about to die—>survival—>please add more edges and neurons to your brain”—
Just remember chat, unless you submit to your subconscious fears—all defeat until death is purely psychological and temporary. Even if you bomb Japan twice, in their traditional philosophy, they never even lost. they were hard code wired to believe that honourable death > submission..
DISCUSSION:
Neuroplasticity—The Weaponization of Hyper-Focus
Sometimes thru the MC building at waterloo… I do this extremely-autistic-maneuvering of traversing around each of the bridges that connect each of the eng buildings. literally walking around like a serial psychotic lunatic looking for prey or a map(for hours). I’m doing it now as this is being typed….I think the field of neuroscience is called divergent thinking. I don’t care, I’m doing my own lab research on my fucking self.
It helps me conceptualise and visualize how much computation might actually go into exploring diff paths and tradeoffs during designing computational phase w/ ram model—becuase now I actually have to stand up and do cardio instead of being a sedentary shrimp creature with osteoporosis and blue light. we won’t appreciate big-data/scale factor until we actually traverse 10k stupid fucking operations ourselves….
For look-up tables / relationship databases, I traverse up and down thru the bookshelves in DC so i’m like naively doing more work to find a section in the library like a fucking idiot. This way my cardio will understand the importance of well-organized-data. blood also flows to the head during cardio— and the unnecessary work I doing myself I will feel the difference physically. then we will feel the need to find a backdoor to what we are looking for. It’s like waiting in queue line for the Club, how badly do you want to find backdoor then? If you are drowning in the titanic, how badly would you want to find the backdoor to the problem ???
Also during these physical traversals, keep spamming active recall + asking why method—pretend like you have a big presentation coming up, and you need to actually teach what you just read about / saw to a group of people(Feynman Tech). You don’t need the notes—just go up and wing that shit—-I lowk start talking to myself like a giga serial psychopath and it works great since there is no where to do a TedTalk—
that way during class, ONLY take notes on interesting things that come out of the profs mouth. The interesting things that come out of his mouth then become my fucking bible—that is jesus christ and the bible is correct—no if and or discussion—jesus is the king—
The notes are always there—but what they might actually spill / hint they give is invaluable hidden christ gem. then when thinking just recall the conversations and arguments you had IRL, instead of recalling notes. fuck the stupid poorly written notes …fully abuse and take advantage of tuition by stealing knowledge from the institution itself. The TA is getting paid. so I abuse the TA time until I make them start thinking….or extract all info from their head into mine. become the knowledge theif. the theif of knowledge.
There’s this saying like: you should “be like a lion”. Most of the time conserve your energy on the bench, but when there is something important of a problem to focus your attention towards, you go full 100% until you finish the prey/problem. reminds me also of training for acceleration in hockey. Literally attack booster packs to ur legs for explosive energy.
Terran Tao…one of the most world renound gifted mathematicians…said when he was 6–he used to roll around back and forth like a disabled worm on the ground to fully visualize/feel wave functions— sinusodal patterns, and toggling ideology—and hearing that has truly inspired me to become more physically retarded and conduct visual-physical-reality-mapping bullshit. This semester I got my hands on adderall. Next will be peptides. jk…
Maybe since I grew up with sports and dance, I understand things better visualized and “movement-based”. I think it is very powerful to create bijections between the abstract bullshit textbook world, and physical day to day movement. It sub-consciously should program yourself to connect dots when the physical movements are done at the same time. Terran Tao rolling around was one example. Other examples could be thinking of abstraction as digging for gold beneath the crust, or layers of onions hiddding implementation. These analogies are quite powerful, and it also remind me of the analogies I used to use when teaching snowboarding to various skill levels. Depending on the riders age, I could create a bijection between pressure on the snow and “gas peddles for cars” for the adults. And for the little kids, I would use analogies such as “big or little tree!!” to help them understand how to create pressure within the snow in order to ride more aggressively / with more control. I would also make demonstrations extremely visual—my final exam for instructor was teaching a group of deaf people how to J-turn -> S-turns. the way I approached the problem was extremely fucking visual. I would demonstrate and overly exaggerate the core idea, then vigorously shake my head yes or no, binary operations—- to the adult students if their idea was correct or not ..
Anyeays—
Maybe if we try shrooms together—we will have huliu-conjecture on time-space-continuum and jump myself into the multi- parallel universes.
Following: art of engineering
Engineers need to feel every inch and suffering of the problem space—idea is: we need to trauma-bound together and self-induce-drowning in the deep-end to figure out auto-floating. Who’s gonna carry the bits. the data. the network. once u drown in every possible way, you can see why you would want to build a boat…that boat you just naively and blindly set off from shore, is called a “company”—-
Thus, if you are ill-prepared for war— and competition in the water, you should not be seting the sea…hello fish…And only those “veterans of the sea” with many failures in the sea will have better intuition—so keep floating fighting and failing —-
Think about:
If you’re trapped in jail for crime—and you need to call a homie to bust you, and you get one call in federal prison—WYD? That homie you just dialed is High Agency…
Continuing on neuroplasticity :
I then write out on my phone how long it’s taking me—and how many ways can I think of theoretically reducing the amount of cardio I’m doing—bcuz humans are fundamentally pathetic lazy bum-ass creatures—and we’re creating a mental bijection between wanting efficient paths / computation and reducing the amount of cardio we have to do. (bcuz we are fat)
Then we open our LLM of choice and vigorously debate with the LLM about who is correct and why—be careful if our problem is open-ended ambiguous, then it’s a socratic philosophical “round-table” discussion.
However we need to be carefully with LLM usage in the scope of neuroplasticity, because the LLM is delusional and programmed to just make you feel like special snowflake and agree with every bullshit you say—>so if the LLM is retarded and you are also retarded—you will have the “blind leading the blind”. this is how that kid had the LLM convince himself to kill himself—becuase he was already planning on jumping, and the blind is leading the blind into death. you yourself need to already have intuition so you can verify if the LLM is reasonable or fucked.
Euler the blind-eye prodigy genius mathematician used to do this bullshit psychosis cardio activity across the city he lived in. He eventually founded much of the concepts we now have in computational graph theory.
Just goes to show that purposeful and meaningful neurodivergence goes a long way in understanding. If other ppl think that the strategy is unorthodox, and your idea is “misunderstood”—press so much fucking harder—-head-first dive until you hit something hard under the crust—
Don’t scratch the surface and nail polish of the topic—penetrate/explore as DEEP (attack the subject with a knife) as possible until it gets shitty—then come back up gasping for air…that’s how you might be onto the clever path through the ugly forests terrain. Otherwise…we may not have recon/scout in the jungle. We’re blind, can’t smell, taste, or hear.
If you guys are familiar with Ramanujan, the genius indian mathematician from giga-poverty who went to London then died at 30–society could only justify his work after centuries of his death. He used to spend months dreaming about theorems and pretending as if the Hindu Gods or whatever could speak to the conjectures he was visualizing. He could eventually induce all of the primes in his sleep…The only friends he really had were the compositions of special numbers and infinite series—-He was super religious and addicted relentless—while sleeping he could lucid dream w/ the indian temples …The British Mathematicians at the time thought he was full of cap and religious shit—but it turns out centuries later—everything he claimed ended up being true… Mathmeticians still to this day are coming up with ways to prove why he was correct all along….
I think there is something genuinely deep about his insane beliefs towards the hindu religion and mapping it to the conjectures he was trying to prove. This Ramanujan guy is peak demonstration of neuroplasticity and what is insane, but could be human possible…
He was deep into the proofs—he died still trying to prove one of his conjectures. nobody in Indian at the time knew what he was doing. In his own world, on his own deathbed— with a crying arranged-marriage-wife, next to him while he was suffering a western disease foreign to india—and still finishing off his proofs for the math world….. yeah…. and you wanna listen to fucking bullshitting politicians….who get paid to bullshit on twitter—-What about Ramanujan? He died in pure stealth and I will never forget his legacy —-
Similiar story with Einstein. his wife hated him deeply. Thanks to these absolute freaky creatures of nature—we now have the fields today that we can observe and study about the universe.
The beauty of math is that some absolutely gorgeous ancient bullshit becomes true after centuries of battling neurotypical insanity— insatiable curiosity / exploration — and sheer mental willpower —
It’s lame performing the dirty bitch work, but it is exciting having awareness of the full-scope and system. And sometimes, we gotta do the bitch work before we can understand why we can do something smarter.
Yes you can know the corner and edge cases by reading—, but do you check your corners when you peak? when you enter the arena, do you have a mental checklist of what needs to be done at every sequential stage and why? can we prove we can IGL and call buckets on court? time will tell…